


Relics

by SecurityBreach



Category: Iron Man (Movies), MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Avengers team dynamics, Cultural Differences, Gen, Implied/ Referenced violence, Loki wasn't the bad guy in The Avengers, Magic, Post-Thor: The Dark World, Taking serious liberties with Norse Mythology, Thor's not stupid, references to operas, superficial Thor, weregild
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:35:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8081572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecurityBreach/pseuds/SecurityBreach
Summary: When a mysterious artefact radiating strange emissions is found in an abandoned army bunker in Upstate New York, even the leading scientists of SHIELD can't find an explanation for the phenomenon. Thor thinks it's magic, and the idea does not get him much credit with his team mates until he suggests consulting an expert from Asgard.





	1. A Prelude on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> My sincerest apologies for a slightly OOC Nick Fury, but I felt the man deserves a break from trying to live up to his name. Please have fun reading my story.

_It all started when several campers disappeared while spending their holidays in Upstate New York, and Tony Stark, who really does not like having trouble in what he secretly regards as his own backyard, suggested that the Avengers should investigate. After a little resistance from Nick Fury and a lot of soothing talks with Phil Coulson to straighten out the ruffled feathers again, SHIELD relented and the Avengers got down to work. It turned out to be a demonic cult of some sort, and it's members, a small group of rather confused individuals, where not very good at what they where doing. They had littered the internet with traces of their activities_ (adverts for black roosters on Craigslist? Seriously?), _and it took Tony less than an hour to track the group down to the centre of their machinations, an abandoned army bunker in a remote spot in one of the beautiful and extensive forests of the state of New York. The subterranean bunker had fallen into disuse long ago, and was now nothing more than just another neglected relic from the cold war. The missing persons were an entirely different matter, of course, and the managing directors of SHIELD were glad that they had asked the world's mightiest heroes to intervene before the situation got out of hand. Director Fury was convinced that Stark would have interfered anyway, with or without his consent, but that is something Nick Fury prefers not to talk about._

_Fortunately, not a single one of the kidnapped vacationists has suffered permanent bodily harm, but it had been a very scary experience and the psychological damage was extensive. SHIELD made sure that their abductors wouldn't walk free for a very long time._

_Then it turned out that at the core of the cult there was a strange artefact emitting even stranger radiation._

_None of the readings the SHIELD scientists were getting made sense in even the remotest way, and the cult members stubbornly refused to share any information on the object of their worship._

***************

Tony Stark is standing next to a group of said SHIELD scientists, including Dr Eric Solveig, Dr Bruce Banner, Dr Jane Foster and, surprisingly, Thor, who seems to have jogged along for the company, in a makeshift compound erected by SHIELD in front of the former bunker and temporary temple. A security camera keeps sending footage of the reinforced door behind which the unknown power source is hidden to a large screen. Because of the strange readings, the door hasn't been opened so far. Nobody really knows what awaits them behind it, and Nick Fury, who is in charge of the operation, worries about the possible risk to his staff. During Loki's failed attempt at invading earth and the ensuing battle of New York, the director of SHIELD had to witness with his own eye what strange and unidentified objects can do in the wrong hands. So this time, Fury decides to play it save and sit tight until a realistic assessment of the situation is available.

“I'm running out of ideas here,” Dr Banner says, looking up from his useless equipment.

Thor, who had approached the door in an attempt at scorning the danger and opening what he calls _the ingress_ without taking any precautions at all, is held back by a couple of SHIELD agents. Despite his obvious contempt for the Midgardian prejudice against taking incalculable risks, the God of Thunder feels generous enough to make a contribution.

“Why, my friends,” Thor says while freeing himself from the clingy agents. “I believe it is magic.”

“Magic my _arse_ ,” Tony Stark, who does not find it easy to adjust to his Asgardian friend's relaxed way of talking about _things that do not exist as if they were real_ , mutters, and even Jane Foster looks a little out of patience with her boyfriend. Then Thor decides To Drop The Bomb.

“I suggest we ask my brother for help.”

If Thor had thought that this idea would fill his friends with joy, he had been entirely mistaken.

“But you _said_ he died on Svartalfheim,” a shell-shocked Eric Solveig complains. He is sporting the offended look of a man who wakes up from a well-deserved, refreshing slumber just to find himself face to face with misery incarnate.

Thor frowns at the memory of Eric's enthusiastic reaction upon hearing the news of Loki's demise. To make matters worse, _of course_ one of Odin's infernal ravens had spied on him at the moment and told the All-father all about Thor's complete failure to retaliate for this disrespectful behaviour. _I shall never hear the last of this,_ Thor thinks desperately. But well, Eric is a friend and fun to be with, and Thor really has no idea what all the fuzz is about.

”There is no way he survived this injury,” Jane Foster says firmly. “I saw the spear, or whatever this weapon was, going right through him. Your brother was _skewered_ , Thor, and don't even think of trying to explain this away with _frost giant resilience_. There is no way, and that's a fact. So, please tell me it's _another_ brother you have just never mentioned before for reasons best known to yourself, and not Loki you're talking about."

 _Frost giant resilience_ , Tony Stark thinks. Ever since he understood that his team mate Thor is labouring under the impression that his late adopted brother, or, as it turns out, not so late adopted brother, is really a blue giant with a pair of large horns on his head, the ability to dish out nasty frostbites and to cover himself with ice at will, Tony feels that the Asgardian's grip on reality is dramatically different from his own.

So Tony decides to call Loki a few choice names which makes Thor check the compound swiftly for any random members of the crow family. Because, well, Tony is a friend and fun to be with, and Thor really does not feel like retaliating for this disrespectful behaviour.

But swear he ever so much, much worse than Tony's flash of anger is the way Nick Fury is looking at Thor now.

Director Fury doesn't yell or protest, he just looks sad and very disappointed. This makes Thor feel strangely guilty, and it's a feeling the god of thunder doesn't enjoy at all.

”You know, Thor,” Nick Fury says after quite a while in a serious and somehow small voice. “I can't believe I actually helped you to get your brother off the planet. I _defied_ the World Security Council for you so you could take Loki home to face Asgardian justice. And they were not happy, trust me on that. This is not about Loki being alive, please don't get me wrong. I'm even happy for you. It's obvious that you two are having serious issues with each other and I'm glad you have a chance to work on them together. I even think I understand how you ended up taking your brother with you to Svartalfheim to revenge the death of your mother at the hand of an alien aggressor. I'm sure I know several people on earth who would have liked to do the same to Loki. And _this_ includes some of your team colleagues.”

Nick Fury takes a deep breath and shakes his head wearily. “What I don't understand is how your brother, a confirmed and convicted war criminal, is in a position to travel at all. You said _life sentence_ , Thor, and not _life in prison unless Loki feels otherwise disposed_. And please don't look at me like that- I am immune to puppy eyes, so you might as well just stop it.”

”Also, you may rest assured that this is far from over, Thor. Bring your brother back to earth if you must, but don't expect me to stand up for him again. I'm washing my hands off this. Whatever you do, please keep in mind that there are still people around who would like to see Loki in a holding cell on this planet or even executed for his crimes.” With this, Nick Fury walks away, a righteously depressed man in search of Bruce Banner's secret stack of soothing herbal infusions. _I'm sure he keeps them somewhere close by,_ the director of SHIELD thinks.

”They're in my bedside locker,” Dr Banner, who knows the symptoms, calls out after Nick Fury. Then he turns to Thor. “So I take it that the penal system on Asgard is very liberal and advanced, and grants the convicts as much personal space and freedom to move about as they deem necessary for their own well-being?”

Thor feels that this does not sound right at all. “Huh... no?” he offers in lieu of a more elaborate answer to his human friend's legitimate question.

Bruce Banner takes off his glasses and starts to polish them with calm, practised and well-balanced hand movements. “Are we talking about royal privileges then? I understand that there is a number of severe cultural differences between Asgard and Earth. So if this is a privilege granted to you and, for some mysterious and completely inexplicable reasons, to your adopted brother Loki, the psychopathic war criminal and sentenced mass murderer, please enlighten us so we can learn to deal with the situation.”

Thor, who does not like the casual way in which Dr Banner tends to comment on Loki's state of mental health, denies this too.

“I will go to Asgard and ask my brother if he would like to help you. Should Loki agree, we shall return to Midgard together,” he says. And, judging by the mulish expression in the Thunderer's eyes, this is all he is going to tell his team mates.

”Some plan,” Tony Stark quips while contemplating his newly found respect for Director Fury. He blesses his lucky star for not having been at the receiving end of one of _those_ speeches so far. Thor looks _smaller_ now, and Anthony Edward Stark, who is not a tall man, would hate this to happen to himself.

But hey, he is Tony Stark, and he is not going to have a recently-turned-mulish God of Thunder stand between him and his ever lasting quest for knowledge. Especially since said God of Thunder is starting to look increasingly embarrassed.

”What happened, Point Break? Lost a bet?” Tony just keeps probing at random, hoping for a reaction. “Power breakdown leading to a major security problem in the dungeons? Overthrow of government? Should we be worried? Do you feel your brother's planning on invading our planet again?”

Against all odds, Thor manages to remain adamant. There is no way in Helheim he is going to tell his Midgardian friends about the situation on his home realm, and his newly acquired poker face does not betray anything, no matter how many questions they keep asking him.

In the end the humans decide to reconsider Thor's suggestion and give it a try. Mostly out of sheer curiosity. Perhaps they could get some information out of Loki, who is the villain of the piece after all. And, just like all supervillains worth their salt, he is _bound_ to rant and hold a monologue sooner or later. It's a somehow flawed logic, straight from the comic books they read so enthusiastically in their youth, but it's all they have.

And deep inside these people of genius and science, well hidden from their dominant rational self, there is a tiny spark of hope that it actually _could_ be magic after all, because somewhen and somewhere in their childhoods there had been fairy tales, too. Of course that's more than they care to admit to themselves. Instead they keep staring at Thor who is naturally completely unfazed by the Midgardian's futile attempts at making him feel like a fool. He grew up with Loki, who was born an absolute pro in this field and is known to have made even Odin himself feel like a bit of an idiot on more than one memorable occasion.

Thor, who is secretly pleased to give his younger brother a chance to prove himself in the eyes of his new friends, tells his team mates to expect him back _on the morrow_. Then he leaves the makeshift SHIELD compound, yells into the sky, and, within only a few short moments, there is a flash of bright, multicoloured lights and Thor disappears, leaving nothing behind him but a circular, elaborately patterned imprint on the ground. It is a sight neither Tony nor anybody else present will ever get used to, and even Jane Foster, with all her background knowledge provided by Thor and her considerable scientific insight, can't help but marvel at the phenomena.

As soon as the God of Thunder has left the planet, Tony takes out his StarkPhone and contacts Natasha Romanoff.

The SHIELD agent is not Tony's favourite person on earth or, having recently been made aware of the existence of an alien culture on a different planet or _realm_ , as Thor prefers to phrase it, elsewhere. Tony still has serious trust issues with the spy and assassin, and he has no intentions to get over them in the foreseeable future. But he also knows that the so-called Black Widow is his best and perhaps only chance to worm something out of Thor or Loki against their will. _It seems to have worked before,_ Tony thinks, and hopes that the spy will be able to get all the answers he has been denied by his Asgardian team mate.


	2. Coffee, a Car Ride, and a Culture Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everybody is happy at the prospect of Loki's impending return to earth. Actually, the only one who thinks that it's a good idea is Thor, and he behaves a little strange on the occasion.

Tony Stark, who has never been a happy camper in his entire life, decides to return to Midtown Manhattan for the night. He gets up early on the following morning, but he takes his time in the shower and grooms his short goatee most carefully. Tony would never understand how his friend Bruce Banner could stand to stay in this makeshift SHIELD compound and use their communal showers. It's _appalling_. SHIELD allows their staff some minimal privacy by providing them with small single rooms instead of dorms, but the walls are very thin. In Tony's experience, thin bedroom walls have a tendency to attract exactly two kinds of people: heavy snorers and passionate lovers. Having no wish to listen to SHIELD agents making love or some obnoxious noise while asleep (probably after having had the noisiest sex in all known history), Iron Man suited up and abandoned his friend to his dreadful fate.

***************

Natasha Romanoff is already waiting in Tony's kitchen when he walks in there in search of some breakfast. _Oh, great. She has brought Barton and Rogers with her. This is going to be one of those_ fun days _people are always talking about._

”Are you planning on making some more?” Tony asks as he watches Clint Barton pouring himself the last cup of coffee.

”Nope,” the archer tells him. “No more coffee beans.”

_Yeah, right. Fun day._

”JARVIS, I need a cup of coffee from the cafeteria. And a _large_ bag of my house blend,“ Tony instructs his omnipresent AI.

”Look, Stark, I really don't know if we have time for this,” interferes Steve Rogers.

”We better have,” Tony tells him, choosing a seat. He sits down and folds his arms in front of his chest. “Good morning,” he says to the world in general.

”For all we know, Thor and Loki could already have arrived at the compound,” Rogers perseveres.

”Thor said _on the morrow_ , which generally means 'tomorrow', meaning any time between midnight and, well, midnight on the following day. Another definition is 'the time immediately after a specified event' while 'morrow' for 'morning' is _archaic_. Knowing Thor, he probably means 'morning' though," Tony, who is in his best someone-stole-my-first-cup-of-coffee-for-today mood and in full swing now, says. “I looked it up.”

”You actually looked it up?” Natasha asks.

”Yes. Merriam-Webster. _And_ the OED. Just to be on the safe side.” Tony sighs, a little exasperated. What do these people think? He's an _engineer_ , damn it, and paying attention to details could mean the difference between life and death. For himself and anybody else using the equipment build by him. “So if there is no particularly and more specific Asgardian meaning to the phrase _on the morrow_ that has been hidden from us humble earthlings for some divine reasons, I have no idea when they will arrive today, and neither do I care. They may wait, or send in a memo with their ETA.”

A Stark Industries employee arrives with his coffee, and Tony accepts the steaming mug gladly. There is a cookie embossed with the SI logo sitting next to it. “First things first,” Tony says, and takes a sip.

”Bruce promised to call in case they arrive before me,” he adds as an afterthought after a couple of minutes of uncomfortable silence.

A quarter of an hour later, Tony Stark orders a chauffeur and a limousine from his extensive car park to take him, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton and Steve Rogers to the SHIELD compound in Upstate New York. It is a beautiful car, large and spacious, and it makes a soothing, reassuring and almost inaudible background noise while the experienced and reliable driver steers them away from the city.

***************

Tony had known he was in for a hell of a ride the moment he closed the door behind himself. Steve Rogers had arrived in full Captain America gear and _of course_ he dragged his shield along with him. With the prospect of Loki reaching the planet at any minute now, Cap refused to store the shield in the car boot for the journey.

Now the thing keeps invading Tony's private space, bumping painfully against his elbow and bruising his thigh. The stop-and-go-traffic, so typical for New York City at this time of day, is not helping at all. In front of Tony, Clint Barton is holding on to his bow and quiver with a grim and determined expression on his face and a vicious gleam in his eyes. When Cap announced his intentions of not letting go of his shield, Clint had naturally decided to follow his example and keep his weapons, too. Because, well, _Loki_.

And _that_ had, in one way or another, led to Tony taking his new suitcase suit, an advanced version of the original Mark V that had been destroyed during the Extremis attack on Tony's house in Malibu, with him to the back seat as well.

The case itself is beautifully slim and lightweight, but it is not exactly small, and it has sharp corners and edges. Tony feels like an idiot while he tries to balance it on his knees without hurting anyone.

Meanwhile, Natasha keeps looking out of the window, her back to the driver. She appears to be totally confident and calm, a woman not troubled by any unwieldy or cumbersome items about her. And yet Tony knows for sure that, should the need occur, Agent Romanoff would suddenly sport two guns with a choice selection of knifes for future reference up her proverbial sleeve.

 _Where does she even hide those things?”_ Tony thinks, mustering the tight SHIELD uniform Natasha is wearing. The spy turns her head very slowly and raises an eyebrow. _She is potentially a very expensive lawsuit for sexual harassment,_ Tony's inner Pepper reminds him and he looks away.

 _Perhaps,_ Tony muses, _Romanoff_ does _have a superpower after all. Maybe she can let weapons appear and disappear at will._ And why not? Stranger things have happened, and _that_ is something Tony had to learn the hard way in recent years.

***************

When they finally arrive, they are all cross with each other with the possible exception of Natasha Romanoff, who looks like she just had had a very relaxing day in an exclusive spa. Clint Barton walks with an exaggerated limp, claiming that Tony tried to take his kneecaps off with that bloody suitcase of his. Tony, who thinks that he did not hit his team mate _that_ often or _that_ hard, has his own grievances to nurse, because Clint has vented off his anger at Loki's impending visit at him. Apparently the archer thinks that Tony alone is responsible for the invitation, that it had even been Tony's idea in the first place to invite Thor's _batshit crazy baby bro_ and that, as Tony tries to tell him in vain, was simply not true. At least this explains Clint's substandard behaviour at the coffee machine.

There had been a few minutes of blissful silence after Barton had finished his monologue, and then Captain America decided To Make A Speech.

It was beautiful. Steve managed to point out all the virtues of forgiveness and the importance of giving second chances. He mentioned the possible role of Asgard as a future ally, and the prospect of cooperation in the near future. Science projects where hinted at, especially in the medical field. Apparently Rogers saw a possibility for ending world famine and granting peace on earth. Accepting the olive branch Thor was offering was a good thing in Steven's book, even if it involved spending some time with Loki on a ludicrous project.

When Captain America finished his extensive digressions, his team mates were all staring out of the windows in a pointed way. A leaden silence reigned for the rest of the journey.

Nick Fury, Jane Foster and Bruce Banner are already waiting for them in front of the SHIELD compound. Eric Solveig has decided to stay behind in the lab, keeping an eye on the radiometers. The Asgardians haven't arrived yet, but there have been strange energy readings for the last couple minutes. Oddly enough, they seem to radiate from the surrounding forest.

***************

By the time the brothers arrive, the energy readings are slowly disappearing and the landscape is littered with heavily armed SHIELD operatives, all clad in their black uniforms. It's a sight Tony Stark feels more and more uncomfortable with. There is a slightly totalitarian feel to the scene, and a look at Bruce Banner's face convinces him that his friend is sharing his concern.

Suddenly, Thor and Loki are simply walking into the clearing from the edge of the woods in an almost leisurely pace. They seem to be deep in conversation. It's a glorious day in early autumn, the sun is shining and the leaves are changing their colours to the beautiful shades of the season. But the brother's waste no time on the majestic trees or the agents around them. _It's a bit of an anticlimax,_ Tony thinks, feeling somewhat disappointed. He had been looking forward to the usual light show, preferably with a few special effects on account of Loki being Loki. But not a single background explosion is making itself felt.

And then, all of a sudden, everybody seems to be on DEFCON 1.

”You could have warned me, brother,” a slightly bedraggled Thor tells his spotless sibling.

”It was only a swamp,” Loki says.

”A swamp filled with _acid_ , brother. And that was a _lindworm_ lurking in there."

”Lindworms are smaller and much slower, Thor.” Loki looks at his brother with serious dismay. “Why, I believe we ought to do this more often. Brother, you seem to have no idea what is going on at the roots of Yggdrasil.”

”I shall not journey like this again. It's creepy.”

Suddenly the brothers notice their audience and stop dead on their track.

“What?” Loki says haughtily, and with a single syllable he manages to blight the Avenger's collective hopes to deliver all their carefully prepared speeches, words and looks of scorn at him.

***************

So there he is.

Tony's nightmare for far too many long months and countless restless nights.

His hair is longer, and sort of wavy. Loki somehow manages to look _taller_ than during the invasion and seems to hold himself more upright. There's definitely a reduced air of craziness about him.

 _That's a good thing,_ Tony thinks, because he hopes that a less crazy God of Mischief would be less likely to go for his throat than a stressed out one with manic tendencies. Or anybody else's throat. But his face is _haggard_ , with thin looking skin stretched over prominent cheek bones, an unsmiling mouth and dark circles under his bright green eyes. It's obvious that he neither sleeps nor eats very well. His complexion is ghostly pale, but without the unhealthy, clammy sheen he had sported in New York.

Whatever is going on on Asgard isn't a picnic for Loki.

Nevertheless, standing next to each other the brothers radiate an incredible air of power. They are not wearing their princely helmets, but otherwise they are clad in full Asgardian armour and are sporting an attitude as if they are expecting battle. Thor has always appeared larger than life, but now Tony realises for the first time that there is a reason why the people of northern Europe chose to view these guys as gods so many centuries ago.

Then Thor moves towards his brother and places a hand on Loki's neck. “Remember your promise, brother,” he requests beseechingly.

"As I promised, brother,” Loki says. He is leaning slightly into the touch, and his voice sounds smooth and indifferent . “I shall not hurt your woman as long as she is under your protection.” He gives Thor a reassuring smile.

But then he looks at Jane, and there is a distinct promise in his eyes that he is going to get _medieval_ on her ass in a previously unheard-of creative way the moment Thor loses his interest in her. He probably has all the necessary equipment already waiting for the event on Asgard.

 _Now what is this all about?_ Tony thinks, looking at Jane. The sheer bewilderment on her face tells him that Jane has no idea what is going on either. And hey, _your women_? Tony feels this is very rude, but Thor doesn't even flinch.

Instead he keeps smiling at his younger brother as if he was the best thing that ever happened to him or to the entire universe.

With a swift movement, Tony breaks into Thor's personal space and looks him deep into the eyes. “Just wanting to make sure,” he says.

”Make sure of what?” Thor, who is a little confused by Tony's action, asks.

”For a moment I thought you were under mind-control.”

”My brother would never do that to me!” Thor bristles with the indignation of the just.

The Avengers can't help but notice that Loki is watching the scene with this wild, slightly deranged grin on his lips they all know and love so well.

”I suggest we go inside now,” Nick Fury says. “We need a quick briefing. There are rules around here, Loki, and this time I _will_ make sure you understand them.”

***************

There is a simple but fully equipped conference room inside the compound, and everybody finds a seat while Fury explains some basic things like the total undesirability of random killings, the importance of listening to commands, and the meaning of security precautions.

Meanwhile, Tony spends his time on watching the Asgardians.

The first thing he notices is how close the brothers sit to one another. Jane had already told him how people on Asgard seemed to have a different concept of personal space than she is used to. It had been a slightly frightening experience, because simply everybody on the so-called Realm Eternal was towering over the petite scientist, and most of these giants were wearing heavy plate armour while doing so. One night, Jane Foster had had a nightmares about being crushed by them, but Thor had only laughed indulgently when she told him about it. Jane is sure the dream had been triggered by the hostile attitude she encountered by several Asgardians, including Thor's own father Odin and his shield-sister Sif, and the attack of the Dark Elves she barely survived during her stay there.

Everytime he speaks, Loki is leaning even closer to his brother who is sitting on his right while Thor keeps touching him in response. It's a very _odd_ sight, and Tony has to fight a desperate urge to crawl under the table to see if they are playing footsie down there.

 _Must be an alien thing,_ he tells himself, and enjoys the heart-warming sight of Steven Rogers who is trying really hard not to stare at the spectacle.

 _And what is the meaning of all this_ brothering _?_ Tony feels more than just slightly confused by the sibling's habit of claiming their kinship in every other sentence. _I thought Loki had renounced the relation, and that Thor had finally realised his brother was no longer the boy he grew up with and whom he had loved so well. Is this an elaborate attempt at distracting us from the fact that Loki should feel at least a little embarrassed in our company?_ Like, _hey, look, we're fine with here each other, why don't you come and join the happy crowd?_

Because Loki, despite being obviously tired, looks all calm and composed, and there isn't the slightest trace of shame or even tenseness about him.

”Do you understand?” Nick Fury, who has reached the end of his deliberations, asks.

Thor answers in the affirmative while Loki regales the director with a smile.

”Perhaps I should add that we consider you to be on probation on our planet, Loki of Asgard, or whatever you are calling yourself these days,” Fury adds. “About a year ago, Thor told us that you died in battle despite the fact that you had been sentenced to life in prison for your crimes. We were willing to accept that, because there seemed to have been some serious personal reasons for you to take part in this fight at all, and we decided to allow for possible cultural differences. I guess it would have been too late to complain anyway.”

Fury looks at Loki in a way that would make lesser men (or gods) wet their pants, but Loki, who is used to Odin after all, remains completely unimpressed. “I have no idea how you survived being _skewered_ , as Dr Foster put it so elegantly yesterday, or why you are even allowed to leave your cell. And I surely don't wish to know what all these words of endearment and the sudden _cuddly_ attitude is all about. But keep in mind that we are fully prepared to fight back the very moment you step out of line.”

With a satisfied grin Barton, presents an arrow at Loki who only broadens his smile in return.

His older brother on the other hand sits up even more straight than before, looking like he was ready to strike at any moment now.

”May I remind you that Midgard gave up all claims on enforcing their justice on my brother?” Thor says.

”I never fully understood how you managed to pull _that one_ on us,” Clint Barton replies.

The brothers look genuinely surprised at this.

“So your leaders did not inform you?” Thor ventures after a view moments.

All eyes turn toward Nick Fury who at least has the decency of looking slightly guilty while mumbling something that sounds suspiciously like...

_Huh... what?_

”Weregild?” Natasha says, raising an eyebrow.

”Like, seriously, Fury?” Tony is outraged. “You accepted _payment_ for people's lives, like, half a penny for a chicken and a handful of gold for a freeman? How archaic is that?”

“More like Vibranium, really,” Loki says in a calm, refined voice, his face a careful blank. Then he gives Thor, who looks a little uncomfortable, a meaningful glance.

If the Avengers think that Thor feels uneasy about the whole _weregild_ -thing, they are entirely wrong.

It had been Thor who had conducted the negotiations about the amount of valuables earth would be willing to accept as a compensation for the damage Loki had done. And for the lives he had taken.

Thor had never been pleased with the administrative side of his status as a prince of Asgard, and he was more than glad when Loki's talent for diplomacy and _all these damn government affairs and issues_ started to show. After that, he contented himself with doing all the warfare, waving, and generally being cheered at by the crowd for his efforts while happily leaving the boring stuff to his younger brother.

Unfortunately, this meant that he was not very good at conducting the negotiations and felt very awkward while discussing the monetary value of every single casualty's live. Because on Asgard, said value is closely connected to the victim's social status in society, and that is a concept many Midgardians no longer understand. So Thor ended up paying much more than would have been deemed necessary on his home realm.

Odin, the All-father and king of Asgard, reproached his older son in no small way for his failure to reach even the most common of settlements without a major loss of face for the royal family. The payment of weregild is a perfectly legal, respectable and accepted transaction on Asgard to settle conflicts, and Thor has no problem with the custom itself. He only wishes that somebody else could have done all this unpleasant haggling in his stead. Thor feels he really has no propensity for this, and, despite all the bottled-up anger he felt for Loki, he began to think more than he liked of his brother, who was sitting all chained and gagged in a holding cell awaiting his trial at that time. As much as Thor would dislike to admit it, he knows that Loki had always been the better diplomat and would have never allowed himself to be outsmarted by mere mortals.

The whole affair played a minor but crucial part in Thor's decision to renounce his claims on the throne of Asgard.

”So you go on a random murder spree for a couple of days and daddy just opens up his purse to fork over?” Tony says, still in disbelieve. He feels that there needs to be some serious talk about his alien team mate's ethical background soon.

”Oh, I don't need _father_ to pay my bills,” Loki, who had always had a knack of managing his affairs well, tells him with a touch of pride and a little too flippant for everybody else's tastes.

”Reparations always play a major part in peace negotiations,” Steve Rogers says. Captain America doesn't like what he has just heard, but as a soldier, he is a realist in these matters.

”Thor said you were sent to prison for life!” Clint Barton is not willing to let the subject go so easily.

”Well, I was.”

”Then what are you doing here?”

”Obviously taking care of problems you can't handle yourselves,” Loki tells him in a contemptuous voice.

”Don't even _dare_ to patronize us,” Clint almost hisses at Thor's brother now, who's only response is a look of sheer hurt innocence out of green puppy eyes.

 _Damn,_ Tony thinks. _These guys really don't seem to see what's the problem here._.

At this point, Nick Fury decides to end the briefing since it is obviously going nowhere and only serves to ruffle even more feathers. He feels that Loki's reputation as a God of Mischief and Chaos isn't totally undeserved. Fury's whole team seems to be agitated and restless since Thor left them for Asgard to invite his brother back to earth. Tensions are rising, and even Jane Foster is looking at Thor with an increasing air of discontent.

Nick Fury just hopes that Thor knows what he is doing and is able to keep his brother under control should he show any traces of psyching out in the foreseeable future.

”Let's go and take a look at this relic, whatever it is,” the director of SHIELD says, much wishing he had taken the holidays his attending physician had urged him to take earlier this week.


	3. In the Ante Room of the Chamber of Doom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it has happened.
> 
> I have overstepped the time limit I set myself for posts, because the chapters I'm writing have developed an alarming tendency of growing longer and longer. I had to rethink my original idea of writing five chapters eventually.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Now I'm planning on seven installments.
> 
> This is a very short one, approximately a quarter of the original chapter, but it keeps the story going while I am busy rearranging my stuff.
> 
> I am very excited because there are kudos, comments, bookmarks and even subscriptions for this tale. Thank you very much.
> 
> And thank you for your patience, too!
> 
> ***************************************************************************************************

Tony uses the few minutes it takes the Avengers, their guest, and a remarkably large group of SHIELD agents to reach the abandoned bunker to reflect on what he has just seen and heard. They are passing by the large video screen still showing what must be by now the world's most boring footage of a closed, severely enforced door. Even the heavily armed SHIELD operatives standing guard have stopped watching the thing.

After getting over the initial shock of having to acknowledge the fact that Loki is still alive, Tony is somehow _glad_ to have met his assailant after all those months. Close by, in this relaxed mood he is making such a show of, Loki appears much less threatening than in Tony's memories or nightmares. Perhaps this encounter will even help him to handle his PTSD better.

Walking next to a smiling and confident Thor, who is carelessly holding Mjolnir in his hand as if she was nothing more important than an umbrella on a cloudless day in New York, Loki seems to pose no danger at all.

Like everybody else present, Tony is just hoping that Thor would know how to get his brother under control in case of an emergency.

Because, after all is said and done, Asgard _is_ a monarchy, and Thor _is_ the older one, he is the _bloody crown prince_. And therefore he is bound to be in charge of the situation.

 _Or is he?_ Tony wonders not for the first time since Thor's younger brother's arrival.

Loki shows no signs of submissiveness or docility at all. He is even talking back sometimes, in a _very_ polite and sophisticated voice, and in the most gentle way possible. Still, he's talking back at Thor. It's obvious that he's not afraid of his brother and feels there is nothing to fear in this situation.

Once or twice Tony even thinks that Loki is signalling Thor to change the subject or to stop talking at all by using some kind of eyebrow-based Morse code. This is certainly _not_ typical prisoner behaviour towards the guy who is supposed to be holding the keys.

 _Or maybe it's just an echo of the time they spend growing up with each other. A relic of their childhood,_ Tony thinks. _The boys are long gone, but the men dare not to let go._

To Tony, who grew up without any siblings at all, this idea feels oddly sad.

Then he tries to catch Natasha's eye, but the spy is avoiding him.

***************

When the group arrives at the fortified door, Director Fury starts to remind Loki on the importance of safety precautions again.

Loki just steps closer and pokes a long, thin finger at the door. “This does not look very magical to me,” he says. “It's a door.”

”We think that a magical object of great might may be hidden behind it,” Thor booms.

”No, Thor,” Bruce Banner, who has started to clean his glasses again, says. “ _You_ think that. _We_ don't.”

”So you haven't opened this... _door_ yet to find out what's behind it?” Loki wrinkles his shapely nose a little. He obviously feels that even the doors on Midgard are somehow substandard, and way beneath his notice.

”Fury's afraid there might be a dragon hiding inside,” Tony quips.

Loki considers this. “This lair is far too small for a dragon, Anthony Stark. It's fit for a _manticore_ at the outmost.”

Then he blinks at his brother who obligingly starts to laugh and mutters something that sounds like _filthy, outlandish beasts_ and both brothers look happy on account of their short trip into memory lane.

 _Lovely,_ Tony thinks. _Now they are exchanging cute brotherly in-jokes. And I have to do something about this_ Anthony Stark _thing again_.

Tony never understood Thor's problem with his team mates' names. For a while he suspected that the Asgardian was doing this only to annoy. Now that Loki is starting on the same game, Tony feels sure of it.

“Name's Tony,” he tells Loki's back. The owner of said dorsum has already turned towards the door again and checks it thoroughly by running his hands very carefully and slowly over it's surface.

Tony watches as Loki leans gently towards the door as if he was listening to something barely audible. Then Loki goes on caressing it lightly with the back of his hand while softly whispering words in a strange language under his breath.

Loki's facial expression is totally focused while his body seems to be completely relaxed. Everybody else present is looking on in a breathless silence.

Loki's eyes are closed. His mouth is slightly opened. He is breathing very deeply, and very evenly.

 _If he kisses the damn thing, I'm going to flip out,_ Tony thinks.

Then suddenly, some green sparks happen at Loki's fingertips.

”Ah,” the God of Mischief and Lies says. “You were right, brother. There is some magic energy in there after all.”

”Did you see that?” Tony Stark asks the humans around him.

But there is only a stunned, almost petrified group of Avengers and SHIELD operatives and, naturally, Thor, who is starting to radiate a smug and annoying air of _I-told-you-so_.

“No one else is gonna deal with the fact that Loki has just started to emit _sparkles_?” Tony, who is feeling a little lonely by now, asks again.

”I guess we need to be very careful,” Nick Fury says.

Loki nods absent-mindedly. Then he takes a good aim and kicks in the enforced door.

”My brother kicks like a mule,” Thor, who has often been on the receiving end, says proudly. Then he looks around, no doubt expecting some applause for his sibling

But despite his cheerful smile, the God of Thunder only gets pointed at by several guns and semi-automatic weapons.

As Tony Stark has foretold, Natasha Romanoff is even aiming two guns at the Asgardians. He wonders if it would be all right to feel proud of his newly found scrying powers.

 _Perhaps I should ask Loki_ , Tony thinks. _He seems to be our specialist for the occult around here by now._

Meanwhile, Mjolnir twitches slightly in Thor's hand.

For the first time it occurs to Tony that perhaps Mjolnir's presence is not a warning for Loki, but for the people surrounding him.

 _Damn it,_ he thinks, _we have been so naive_.

Because, if Tony considers the situation, there is not much they know about Thor. And what they know he has told them himself. There is a tremendous scope for made-up bullshit of all possible kinds. The first time they met, Thor had simply hit Tony with Mjolnir without even introducing himself, grabbed his brother without a word of explanation, and jumped off the quinjet provided by SHIELD to carry the alien aggressor from Germany back to the USA.

 _Some attitude,_ Tony thinks.

It could have been the Asgardian version of _Shakespeare in the Park_ after all.

Especially with Loki choosing to remain at a convenient distance, perched on top of some random rock formation. He was completely unguarded and could have _run_.

Instead Loki decided to stay, wearing a gleeful smirk on his face, while Thor, Cap, and Tony were fighting each other and exchanging quips.

Tony glances quickly at Natasha who is suddenly looking very thoughtful.

***************

"Shall I go in there now or would you prefer me to wait until Ragnarok?" Loki asks in a not too patient voice.

"Brother, the Norns shall bless you while you seek to protect this realm from evil sorcery," Thor says while gently rocking Mjolnir back and forth.

"Well then," Loki says and struts into what Tony is calling _The Chamber of Doom_ by now.

Iron Man does so on a strictly ironical basis of course.

And then he waits for something exciting to happen.


	4. A Tale of Two Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the magic object is discovered, and Loki has an interesting tale to tell. Tony takes it with a grain of salt.

The room that is waiting for them feels clammy and cold. The air is stale and stuffy from lack of circulation, and there is no light.

Then there _is_ light, but it's kind of pale with a greenish hue. Loki is looking really creepy now.

“Aw, brother,” Thor, who has followed the younger prince, complains. “You know how this kind of light is always giving me a headache.”

Loki casts his brother an annoyed looked over the shoulder. Then he flicks his wrist and the light changes it's colour. It's getting brighter and warmer, more _Thor-like_ somehow.

Loki is still looking pale and tired, but not as if he was about to bite someone's neck any longer.

Tony wonders if it's safe to follow the Asgardians, and then decides to do so simply because he's Tony Stark, the world's most awesome and ballsy badass-billionaire.

It also takes him away from all those heavily armed SHIELD operatives in the ante room. And this is _important_ because it is just dawning on Tony Stark that he is in a closed room, a cave practically, with a group of potentially hostile people who carry _guns_. The all too familiar feeling of nausea and panic is already rising in his throat. There is some sweat on his brows.

“Stark!” Director Fury yells after him, but Tony doesn't care.

Instead, he takes a look around.

 

Someone has clearly tried to make this room look like a temple. The walls are painted in blue, red, and gold, but the effect is more or less sordid. Because, well, wall colour on bare concrete without priming paint doesn't look so good. It has already started to peel off anyway. There are traces of decay everywhere.

Everything in there is just depressingly _seedy,_ with downmarket furniture and cheap candleholders. Tony spots several chairs, a table, and something that seems to resemble an altar.

Okay. It is an altar. There is a perfect dodecahedron floating over it. It is grey, a bit like the colour of lead really, but it is emitting a golden light.

The light turns green as soon as Loki fetches the object from the air.

Tony feels that Loki's approach is quite bold. Security measures don't seem to be a thing on Asgard.

 

“Well, brother?” Thor asks, sounding a little impatient.

Somehow Tony has ended up standing between the brothers, which makes him feel crowded as well as dwarfed.

 _Jane is right,_ he thinks. _These guys have no concept of personal space._

”Don't pressurise me, brother.” Loki says.

“I'm not pressurising you.” Thor tells him.

“Yes, you do. You always do.” Loki's voice has turned slightly petulant by now.

“Brother, I swear by the yarn of the Norns that I never do!” Thor's blue eyes are ablaze with the light of wronged innocence.

Tony, who has seen JARVIS' footage of the Asgardians's fight on the terrace of his tower during the battle of New York, sincerely hopes that this conversation is not going to lead to that type of row which could turn him into some kind of collateral damage.

“Now look...” Tony tries to interfere, and at this moment the Aesir look down on him as if they hadn't noticed him before.

“Friend Anthony!” Thor booms, and Tony thinks that his eardrum is about to burst. The god of thunder puts a heavy hand on his shoulder and pulls him even closer. Now Tony can _feel_ him breathing impatiently.

“I'm actually trying to get some work done here,” Loki says haughtily. This seems to consist mainly of staring at the object and poking it with long, pointy fingers from time to time.

After a few minutes, a set of runes becomes visible.

 

One by one the Avengers are joining them now, followed by Jane Foster whose gaze keeps moving from the object to Tony and back again. Tony is still firmly in Thor's grip, and he is more or less leaning against the god's chest by now.

“Let go,” Tony says. “You're breaking my collarbone.”

Thor ignores his plea.

After a few moments Loki looks up from the dodecahedron. He gives Tony and Thor a slightly puzzled look. Then he sneers at Jane Foster.

“Brother?” Thor asks again.

”It's one of Mime's works,” Loki says with more than just a little respect in his voice. He traces the runes again. “But it's nothing more than a toy, I'm afraid.”

”A toy?” Thor asks, a little confused. “Mime is known as the greatest smith in dwarfish history. Why would he make a mere toy?”

”For a bit of fun?" Loki says. "Mime was more than a great craftsman and gifted seiðr wielder, brother. He was an _artist_.” There is a wistful look on Loki's face. “You may bet that to someone like Mime, all the expectations and chores laid on him must have felt like a burden. He wanted to do his work just for the work's sake, but his family never allowed him to.”

After a brief pause, Loki continues. “Sometimes Mime managed to sneak away from the family cave. Despite his tremendous talent, he was a simple man himself, and liked the company of children and simple folks best. Or perhaps he was just pretending to be a simpleton.”

”Why would he do that?” Thor asks, not sounding convinced.

”With a brother like Alberich? I imagine it would have been a sound strategy to get out of his company as often as possible.”

Tony Stark gives Loki a surprised look at the mentioning of the name 'Alberich'.

“So, Loki. Mime and Alberich, huh?”

”I remember meeting him,” Thor says. “Nasty, king-under-the mountain-type. Grabby, too. But nothing more than a barrel-chested buffoon, really.”

”Oh, he was clever, cunning, and cruel, brother. You needed to watch your back when you were doing business with Alberich.” Loki is looking at the object in his hand. “And a relentless slaver, too. Always looking for someone to bully.“

”No wonder Mime tried to take some time off, then.” Jane Foster says while Loki suddenly discovers an interesting detail in one of the murals.

Thor's grip on Tony's shoulder grows slightly tighter.

 _So he doesn't like his brother's attitude towards Jane_ , Tony thinks. Then he says ' _ouch',_ and tells Thor again to let him go. Loki watches this little charade with an appreciating expression on his face.

"Enjoying yourself, Horny Helmet?" Tony asks.

Loki regales him with a mild and indulgent smile.

 

Meanwhile, Director Fury has entered the room. He is surrounded by heavily armed SHIELD agents who look at the artefact in the god of mischief's hand with pronounced distrust.

"Did I miss something?" The director of SHIELD asks. "Stark?"

"Well, Loki is just _elating_ us with the _most interesting tale_ , Fury," Tony says with a wink. "I just can't wait to hear more. Pray, Reindeer Games, why don't you continue?"

Thor is very pleased with this sentiment and squeezes Tony's shoulder a little harder with approval. Like all Asgardians, the god of thunder loves to listen to a good tale, and he has always thought that his younger brother is a master storyteller. _They don't call him Silvertongue for nothing_ , Thor thinks, and is glad that his Midgardian shield brother Anthony has recognized Loki's talent and shares his feelings.

 

"Well, _Mime_ ," Loki continues his story, "has always liked to do experimental stuff, like dream conductors, apparition portals or reality shifters. He also felt the importance of using less noble metals than gold or Vibranium for his creations, because he thought that magic objects should be affordable for all."

Tony Stark nods. Tech (or magic, though Tony still doesn't believe in this) for all. Now that's an idea he can understand, although he is quite sure that those particular objects shouldn't be available to _anybody_. He has no idea what a _reality shifter_ actually does, but it sounds dangerous enough. Tony shudders to think what his father, Howard Stark, would have done if he could have laid his hands on one of those.

"So Mime basically started to work with leftovers from the smithies of less gifted dwarfs." Loki obviously thinks that it's time for a dramatic pause and stops for a moment. "Then, of course, Alberich found out."

Thor gives Tony's shoulder another hard squeeze in anticipation.

“Mime's family was less than pleased, and the consequences for Mime were very unpleasant indeed. He had to return to more usual materials like gold, Vibranium or metal alloys like Adamantium even, and it took the joy out of his work."

"Can we perhaps talk about the Vibranium at this point?" Tony asks, and regrets it at once. He thinks that he can live with the indignant look Loki gives him, but Thor's hand suddenly feels even heavier on his shoulder.

"This is when Mime actually started to sneak away clandestinely. He became a regular and much beloved guest at feasts and fairs because he knew many strange and outlandish tales, and he knew how to tell them well. When his family found out about this, they learned to live with it after a while, much to Mime's relieve. His folks decided to tolerate his excentricities as long as Mime worked hard, and continued to make an ample profit for them."

 _Yeah,_ Tony thinks. _I guess this Mime and I should go and have a drink together._

"Mime was even lucky in a way, because his family never noticed that he also continued to make minor magical objects from odds and ends, and gave them as gifts to whomever he met and happened to like. When he was having a good time, he loved to indulge people with little _tricks_ and gadgets. Just for fun, with no ties connected. I believe this is only the relic of a feast long ago, designed to give sweet dreams to any person who touches it.” Loki gives the object a crooked smile.

”More mind fuckery, then,” Clint Barton says. He is clearly disgusted. “So you're going to sleep really tight tonight, what?”

”Oh, I'm immune against such low-level magic.”

”At least this explains why a cult developed around this object. Sweet dreams, huh? Probably kinky ones, too," Nick Fury says. "Do you think it's likely that this... _Alberich_ or any other member of Mime's charming family is going to show up to try and collect the item?” The director of SHIELD has gone on Red Alert.

”I don't think so,” Loki says in a deadpan voice. “Alberich is dead. Besides, the artefact is not even made of gold, so it's not likely to attract any dwarfs.”

”Isn't this some sort of cultural stereotyping?” Tony asks. “I mean, like, dwarfs looking for gold all the time while singing silly songs and quaffing ale...”

”I was only thinking on the value of gold as a conductor for magic,” Loki says. “Alberich, however, was the type that thinks monetary value equals usefulness. Well, with magic it isn't. And a craftsman like Mime could, and would, make the most amazing things out of tinfoil and scrape metal. He loved a challenge.”

”And what do you know about dwarfs anyway, friend Anthony?” Thor interrupts. “Have you ever met any?”

Tony looks hurt. Being scolded by Thor feels like discovering that your favourite puppy has teeth, and is going to be a fully grown pit bull soon.

”But he was right about the ale, brother,” Loki says. “You must forgive my brother, Anthony Stark. He has always had a soft spot for the little wretches, Norns help him.”

Then he takes a step forward and gently removes Thor's hand from Tony's shoulder.

“Thank you,” Tony says. He cautiously moves away from Thor, while massaging his stricken muscles carefully.

Now it's time for the Asgardian to look hurt. “I just wanted to keep you close to be able to protect you in case something happened.”

“So this thing _is_ dangerous after all?” Fury asks.

“There's always a risk, Director,” Loki tells him leniently. “I'm surprised you don't know that.”

 

"Why don't you tell us what happened to the brothers,“ Natasha asks after Nick Fury has managed to regain his composure. She is directing the question at Thor, who looks at Loki.

"Naturally, Alberich grew greedy and kept looking for more gold,“ Loki says smoothly without even missing a beat. "One day, he heard about a sacred treasure on Vanaheim. It was guarded by three water-nymphs. They were sisters, young girls really, and very much loved and respected by the Vanir.“

Tony starts to grin broadly. He _knows_ where the story is going. _Damn it, Loki, you're really good at this,_ he thinks.

“The thought of all this gold being within reach and and being of no use to anyone in particular began to gnaw on Alberich. He thought of all the priceless magic objects his brother Mime would forge if only he could lay his hands on the nymphs' treasure.” Loki clears his throat theatrically. “Why, he even thought he could become more powerful than Odin himself.”

Thor looks outraged at the idea.

“Eventually, after an exceedingly restless night, Alberich decided to go and steal the gold. It was easy. The river in which the sisters were living is one of the holiest places on Vanaheim, and it would never have occurred to the Vanir that it needed protection. Even the Aesir left it alone when they attacked the realm. But Alberich just went there, slew the girls and hauled the treasure back to his kingdom under the mountain using a magic net of Mime's making.”

Much to everybody's annoyance Tony chooses this moment to start humming a tune. But Loki, who loves having an audience, is in no mood to allow himself getting distracted from his tale.

“When the crime was discovered, all of Vanaheim went into a turmoil. It was perhaps the single most dangerous upheaval since Asgard conquered the realm. Odin ordered Uncle Vili, who is the Aesir governor on Vanaheim, to take steps and find out who was behind the outrage. It wasn't difficult. The scryers on Vanaheim are very advanced, and Alberich (the idiot) had left Mime's magic signature all over the place. So with all evidence pointing at Mime and his dimwitted brother, Uncle Vili wrote a letter to Uncle Frey and told him _to do something about it_.”

“Uncle Frey is Vanaheim's greatest hero,” Thor says proudly.

“You know, Thor,” Nick Fury says. “I never thought about you guys as the type who has an uncle _Willi_.”

“Vili,” Thor corrects the director's pronunciation. “Uncle Vili and Uncle Vé are father's brothers. They are mighty warriors and...”

Tony interrupts his humming. “This guy is really called Vé? It sounds like a stage name for an exotic dancer.”

“What?” Thor asks. He has never heard about exotic dancing before, but knowing Tony Stark, he feels that it could be a concept worth exploring.

“Stark,” Jane Foster hisses angrily. Life with Thor can be difficult enough without Tony's contributions.

“Very well.” Loki, who can be very singleminded where he chooses to, has decided to proceed with his tale. “Now Uncle Frey, who is _mother's_ brother, saddled his magnificent, dwarf-made riding boar Gullinbursti and set off. Because unfortunately, his twin sister Aunt Freya had been great friends with the murdered nymphs, and made scene after scene after scene. People started to avoid the twin's manor, and this upset Frey very much indeed. So when he caught Mime red handed working on some of the nymphs' gold, he didn't waste his time with asking questions and just cut the dwarf's head off with his mighty sword Sumbrandr.”

“He still had Sumbrandr then?” Thor asks.

“Why, yes,” Loki says. “He lost it much later during one of Odin's campaigns on Midgard.”

“How terribly careless of him,” Tony quips.

“On _Midgard_? What were they even doing on _Earth_?" Director Fury is horrified. This is just the kind of news to faze the director of SHIELD past all belief. “And _when_ did that campaign take place, may I ask?”

Loki ignores the potential trap and continues his tale. “Alberich escaped, well hidden under a _tarnhelm_ designed by Mime to make it's wearer invisible. So Uncle Frey wrathfully wrote a nasty letter to Odin, pinned it to Mime's severed head, and sent the whole parcel to Asgard. Hair, gore, and all.”

“What happened to the gold?”

“It was never found, Nicholas Fury. Dwarfs can be very cunning when gold is involved.”

Thor gives Loki a funny look at this point.

“I think you're forgetting something, Rudolf,” Tony says very calmly.

“If you are talking about the nasty letter Aunt Freya wrote to mother...”

“No, I'm talking about the fact that this story is more or less copyright by Richard Wagner.”

“Who?”

“Oh come on, Loki. It's a 19th century opera called _Das Rheingold_.”

“I don't know what you are talking about,” Loki says irritably. He has never heard about operas, and remembers just enough Latin, a language he hasn't spoken in centuries, to know that it might have something to do with _work_ or _profession_.

“And what do _you_ know about operas, Stark?” Natasha asks in a nasty voice. It really bugs her that she hasn't spotted it herself, but she had been distracted by watching Thor's reactions to Loki's story.

 _I should at least have recognized the tune Stark was humming_ , she thinks.

Tony sighs. “You know me so well,” he says. “Do you have any idea how many premieres I attented at the Met and other opera houses worldwide as a representative for Stark Industries? The Scala in Milan in Italy, the Festspielhaus in Bayreuth in Germany, you name them. Makes an impressive date, too. You'd be surprised how far some debutantes would go to be seen there.”

“Stark!” Jane Foster is repeating herself. Suddenly it seems very important to her to keep Thor away from this man.

“Verily, it is very strange how many of our stories are being told on Midgard,” Thor says.

“And in a _most disturbing_ way too,” Loki adds. His older brother had spent a good part of last night telling Loki the wild and slanderous tales about him the Midgardians found so entertaining. It would take ages before the god of mischief and lies could look at a horse again without feeling grievously wronged. “I'd like to mention that I find your collective fantasy life rather offensive.”

“Yep,” Tony says happily. “That's us. Caught us out, what?”

“It's probably all very symbolic and not meant to be taken at face value,” Dr Banner says soothingly. He has seen enough green sparks at Loki's fingertips for today. “Perhaps it helps you to think about those Viking myths as allegories, metaphors or images.”

“Yes, Bruce Banner,” Loki answers in a calm voice. “The _mental image_ has already arrived. Thank you very much.”

“Is this thing dangerous now, or is it not?” Director Fury asks. “And do you think some of these people are likely to show up and try to collect this thing?”

“Well, Mime's creations are generally thought to be very collectible, but this is really just a toy of no value at all. There are only traces of magic left, so the dwarfs won't be able to track it down,” Loki tells him benevolently. “But I shall take it apart anyway if it makes you feel any safer.”

“Brother, this is most generous of you,” Thor booms, no doubt hoping for some signs of appreciation for his brother and his magnanimity. He is disappointed again.

“I'm not sure if I should allow this,” Fury says. “And I'm sure as hell not going to leave you alone with this thing.”

“Why, Director Fury, I am most grateful for your concern about my well being,” Loki tells him with a smirk. Nick Fury couldn't look more surprised.

“I shall keep my brother company,” Thor announces.

“And I,” Jane Foster says to everybody's surprise. “I think that a scientist from earth should be present to see that everything is documented and done correctly. As an astrophysicist, I think I'm qualified.”

“Good,” Director Fury says. “Dr Foster, I think you fit the bill. I'm looking forward to read your assessment of the proceedings. Two witnesses should be enough, although the way Thor keeps fussing over Loki makes me feel he might be compromised. Anyway, I don't want to endanger more staff.”

Tony stares at him in disbelieve. _Huh? This can't be happening._

Because he is convinced that if some piece of potentially awesome alien tech is going to be taken apart on his home planet it is his, Tony Stark's, birthright to be present and witness the event.

“Loki, do you need any tools for this?” Nick Fury asks. “Would you like me to take any specific security precautions?”

“How very _thoughtful_ of you, Director,” Loki says with a sugary smile that hasn't got the slightest trace of sincerity in it. “But I have everything I need.”

He moves his hand, there are some green sparks (Tony thinks it's getting a bit repetitive by now), and Loki holds something that looks like a pencil roll in his hand. It's made of black leather with green applications and bronze details.

Tony wonders if the god has ever heard about any other colour scheme, and is just too stubborn to take notice.

“Oh, and I will have my brother and Anthony Stark with me. Nobody else.”

Loki's saccharine smile has completely disappeared as he looks at Nick Fury.

There is a sudden and eerie silence in the room while the two men keep staring at each other.

Everybody else present is holding their breath now, and Jane looks at Thor in disbelieve.

“I don't think you have a say, Loki,” Jane finally tells him in a hard voice. “You heard Director Fury.”

Tony thinks the astrophysicist has just made a mistake.

“I'm sure we can find a compromise,” Cap says after a while. He isn't rewarded with an answer.

 _Right,_ Tony tells himself. He can feel another panic attack approaching. _Still in a cave. Surrounded by armed, not overly friendly forces. Loki and Fury looking as if they were about to go for each other's throat. That's not right. Not alright at all._

“What makes you think Stark is more qualified than I?” Dr Foster finally asks stiffly. Loki doesn't even look at her, his gaze still lies firmly on Fury. “Thor, make him answer my question.”

 _Family dynamics from hell,_ Tony thinks, but as the born egocentric that he is he doesn't waste much thought on the sufferings of his fellow beings.

A little voice inside tells him to stand up for Jane Foster now, plead her cause, and do all kinds of noble and formidable things on her behalf like telling the god of mischief and lies not to be an ass. But hey, _alien tech_... Jane Foster probably pissed Loki off in some former life or something. Tony feels just the tiniest pinch of guilt about this, but he's looking too much forward to see what Loki might show him to care.

“It's all right, Jane,” Thor says softly, but his eyes are cold. “Please leave now. All of you.”

Finally, Fury breaks his eye contact with Loki.

“I hope you know what you are doing, Thor,” the director of SHIELD says. “And I would really like some words about this with you later on. Something is off, and I need to know what it is.”

Thor only smiles in a nondescript way while Loki's face is completly blank. The message clearly is not to mess with Asgard.

“Fine,” Fury says after a few moments. His voice betrays his infuriation. “Keep your secrets for now.”

With this the director of SHIELD signals his operatives to leave the army bunker with him, followed by an enraged Jane Foster and several disappointed Avengers who would have liked to stay too.

Tony Stark is alone with Loki and Thor.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story so far! This chapter was actually supposed to be part of chapter three in my original draft, but somehow it just kept getting longer and longer. Now there is only one chapter on earth left (or so I hope). 
> 
> Please remember that feedback equals digital chocolate. I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or/ and kudos if you like. Yes, writers are a greedy bunch... ;-) Thank you again. I hope you enjoy my story.


	5. May Have Been a Little Creative in my Description

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony learns that not all toys are harmless, especially not when Loki is involved.

Tony, Loki, and Thor wait until the sound oft the footsteps fades in the distance. Then they hear the screeching of rusty, unoiled hinges followed by the clang of a heavy door falling shut.

The Avengers, Nick Fury, and his SHIELD operatives have left the bunker, taking a very angry looking Jane Foster with them.

 

“Gone,” Thor states after listening closely for a few moments. “We're alone.”

“At last,” Loki says, taking a tiny box from apparently out of nowhere, just like the pencil-roll-thingy before, and uncases a blue-black berry. He looks at it with a thoughtful smile. “A remarkable treasure from Haragon. Very useful, and very rare, especially since Sif went on her little berserker jaunt and more or less _flattened_ the place.”

“That kind of thing seems to be quite the fad with you people,” Tony says, wondering where Haragon was, and what precisely happened there. _And who is Sif?_ Then he watches as the god crushes the berry between his fingers.

 

Loki walks towards the exit and uses the dark juice to paint a rune on the door. “ _Children’s toys_ ,” he murmurs while doing so.

“Thor, what is Loki doing?”

“My brother is establishing a temporary protective ward. Now everybody who listens in on our conversation, be it in person or via one of your electronic devices, will think that we are discussing the playthings we had when we were little.”

“Very cute,” Tony says. ”There seems to be no end to his mumbo-jumbo from outer space.”

Slowly, very, very slowly, Loki turns around and looks at Tony Stark. He is sporting the same manic grin Tony remembers from their encounter at Stark Tower in Midtown Manhattan. His posture is just as threatening as he comes closer with measured, confident strides, and a cold, cruel gleam in his eyes.

Tony swallows. _Do. Not. Panic. Now,_ he keeps telling himself (while his mind turns into an endless loop of _I’m in a cave, I’m in a cave, I’m in a cave..._ ) (I'm in a cave with _Loki_ ).

Thor huffs. “Oh, get _off_ it, brother. You promised to cooperate, so stop teasing my friend.” Then he addresses his Midgardian comrade-in-arms with a reassuring smile. “Please do not worry, Anthony. We do not mean to do you harm.”

The god of mischief shrugs, and changes his countenance into a less disconcerting expression. “Just a bit of fun to ease the tension, Thor. I’m sure Tony understands this.”

“You come in peace, huh?” Tony tries to quip but somehow it sounds lame, even to himself. _You complete jerk, I nearly went into cardiac arrest again. And did you just call me_ Tony _? Should I worry?_

“It's time to talk business now, don't you think?” Loki is inspecting the table and the chairs. Judging from the expression on his face, he is far from satisfied with the state of the furniture.

 _He is probably making up a list of complaints,_ Tony thinks. _I hope I'm going to be around when Fury gets his copy._ Then he looks directly into Loki's face. The god is watching Tony keenly. Thor, who still has Mjolnir in his hand, is at his side, and is also looking at his shield brother.

“I take it then,” Tony says slowly, understanding dawning, “that this thing is not a toy.”

“Define toy,” Loki challenges him with a snigger. “I remember a time when I successfully knocked out Thor with a _hobbyhorse_."

“Brother, this is not the time for your witticisms,” Thor tells him. He appears not to be overly fond of this particular childhood memory.

“Oh, well,” Loki says, obviously disgusted by his brother’s straightforward attitude. “It's a weapon, Tony.”

“A weapon?” Tony asks in disbelieve. “But you said, and I quote, it only gives _sweet dreams_.”

“I may have been a little creative in my description,” Loki admits without blushing or showing any other sign of embarrassment.

“My brother did not lie,” Thor adds. “It does give dreams.”

“But not of the _sweet_ kind?”

“Too sweet, possibly.” says Loki.

“Doesn't sound so bad,” Tony tells the brothers. “Is there a way to chose the dreams? Like, three supermodels and a magnum bottle of champagne? On a beach?”

Loki looks at him in disbelieve and turns to his brother. “Damn it, Thor. Didn't you say this one was intelligent?”

This earns him a chagrined look from Tony, who is not used to having his intelligence judged by Thor, and commented upon by Loki. _This kind of thing_ , the engineer muses, _should not be encouraged at all._

“I wouldn't give the object to my worst enemy,” Thor says much to Tony's surprise.

“Huh?”

“Thor is right, Tony.” Loki is looking serious now. “These things are known as _Mime's Curse_ on Asgard.”

“But the way you said it made it sound like a good thing, Loki. A _fun_ thing.” Tony is still not sure where this is going. ”I guess your _toy_ could be quite useful for helping to relax after a stressful day. Just take it in your hand, magic-zap yourself to wherever you wanna be, and do what you’d like to do.”

“ _Precisely,_ Tony,” says Loki, rolling his eyes like a teenage girl. “Imagine never ending dreams of whatever the dreamer longs to have, and misses in their life. And all this without any effort, strain or resistance to overcome. Just imagine everything you ever wanted coming true whenever you touch this thing and close your eyes.”

There is a long pause after this statement.

 

“Oh,” Tony says after a while.

Loki nods. “People have been known to take potions to enhance their sleep into an endless slumber. Some have even been found dead from want of food and drink. Others have just lost their minds after a while.”

“Potions? Like, drugs? Sleeping pills? Massive downers?”

Loki nods again.

“So this thing is highly addictive.”

“Yes, Tony.” Loki frowns. “Now imagine you hand this over to an enemy, someone whose power you crave, and whose realm you want to rule. Or giving it to someone you just want to have out of your way. You don't even have to go for the kill.”

“Sounds like the perfect crime, Rudolph, and somehow I find the idea of you handling this thing right now disturbing, to say the least.”

“My brother gave me his solemn word not to try anything during his stay on Midgard,” Thor intervenes.

“And isn’t he known to be quite the trustworthy one.” Tony can _see_ Loki thinking now. “Listen, Lokes, I really want you to remember that SHIELD is going to claim the ownership of this object on behalf of the U.S. Government. There is no way you can keep it, let alone remove it from this planet.”

The look Loki gives him can only be described as amused. “And what makes you think that I want to take _Mime’s Curse_ with me? It is dangerous, and a burden. Besides, the way I see it SHIELD is the perfect choice for a guardian of this very complex and potentially destructive magic relic because _they_ are known to be so trustworthy.”

“Yeah, no,” Tony says, puzzled. “I say they would not be my first choice, but better than you anyway.”

“That was sarcasm, my friend,” Thor tells him, and Tony watches as he nudges his brother in a way that can only be interpreted as the Asgardian version of a _high five_.

Naturally, this does not lift Tony’s spirits at all. To make matters worse, Loki has stepped much closer to him than he likes _again_ , and Tony really starts to have issues with the Asgardian concept of personal space. _Sooner or later we need to talk about this_ , he thinks. The god looks down at him, and Tony can smell the leather of his armour now. It's too close to their encounter at Tony's penthouse in Midtown Manhattan for comfort. The engineer clears his throat. “Could you please _not_ do that? Like, stepping on my toes? You are making me feel quite uncomfortable.”

“Perhaps we should all sit down and talk this over without ruffle or excitement.” Loki points at the chairs, and Thor gives his affirmative.

 

A couple of minutes later, Tony only wonders how _precisely_ Loki has ended up at the end of the table with Thor flanking him to the right, and Tony at his left. Tony looks morosely at the god of thunder in front of him. To crown it all, the padding of the chair he has chosen seems to be mouldy and rather damp, and things are already happening to the seat of Tony’s trousers.

 _Inflammation of the bladder? Not a huge fan,_ Tony thinks. Shifting uncomfortably, he looks with envy at the brothers who seem completely unperturbed. _Perhaps I should ask Thor for a pair of those Asgardian leather pants for my next birthday. They seem to be quite the thing. And I would probably be the only guy on earth to own alien leather pants as worn by the gods. Yeah, eat that, Justin Hammer._

Loki has put his pencil roll down and gives Mime’s Curse, which is still floating around and somehow seems to be always gravitating towards him, a playful love tap with his index finger. “Tony, as much as I dislike interrupting your musings,” he says, ”but I think we have agreed to talk business for now?”

“What?” Tony asks surprised and not for the first time in his life. He hopes that Loki doesn’t notice how startled he his, because the last thing he needs is the god of mischief and lies going all Pepper on him for letting his mind drift.

Loki gives him an annoyingly indulgent smile. “Very well. You know, Tony, what keeps me wondering is how surprised you were when the _weregild_ I paid came up in our pleasant conversation.”

“Well, it’s the first time I heard about it, and it is considered an outdated concept around here. Like a relic from the freaking Stone Age.”

“Oh my, and still you were the most expensive item on my list.”

“Now look...” Tony hesitates. _What?_ “What the fuck?”

Thor nods. “ _Weregild_ is paid according to the social rank of the victim, my friend.”

“I gave 12 bars of Vibranium for the harm I caused you, have you not been told of this?” Loki asks. “When my brother made his remarkable appearance at the negotiation table, you were certainly not counted among the _chickens_.”

Tony just gapes at Loki. “You mean you paid _12 fucking bars of Vibranium_ for assaulting me?”

“Well, yes.” Loki shrugs. ”I thought the sum to be a bit excessive, too. But it was the first time Thor conducted peace talks on his own, so it was only to be expected.”

“I handed it all over to Nick Fury and the members of the World Security Council who accompanied him, so they could give it to the victims of my brother’s onset, or to their surviving families.” Thor frowns, and he is looking seriously worried. “Do you mean to say they never mentioned this to you? They did not pay you?”

“I’m totally stunned,” Tony says.

Thor looks horrified now. “But they told me they had a mandate from the respective governments of the victims to act on their behalf. I _trusted_ them.”

“They surely didn’t tell me. And I’m also sure they didn’t give me the Vibranium. I would remember _that_.”

12 bars of what is possibly the most precious metal known on earth belong legally to Tony, and _someone_ is trying to steal it from him. It's what Captain America's shield is made of, and even Tony has a hard time to lay his hands on Vibranium. It is so rare, there isn't even a market for it. Not an official (read: legal) one, though. “Heck, I _earned_ the stuff,” he blurts out before he can help himself. “Fury and the World Security Council can go and get their own asses thrown out of the window if they want some.”

“Oh, I’m _so_ sorry that your _elected_ leaders are such thoroughly greedy frauds,” Loki says with an unpleasant tinge of satisfaction in his voice. It sounds a bit like told-you-so, and Tony tries to ignore it. “Shall I call Nick Fury in now, and ask him to take _Mime's Curse_ away?”

Tony leans back on his chair, crosses his arms in front of his chest, and looks at Loki. This goes so much against the grain for him, he can't even start to describe it. But he needs time to think and consider the options. Also, it probably won't hurt to hear Loki out, and perhaps Thor has something constructive to say, too.

There is also the simple fact that there is really not much Tony can do now that he is stuck on his own with the Asgardians in this bloody subterranean bunker. If they decide to strike out at him, he is as good as done because with all those severely enforced doors and concrete walls around, Tony's armour is hopelessly out of reach. So stalling seems to be the best option at the moment. Stalling and thinking, finding solutions. _Yeah,_ Tony thinks, _I'm good at that._

 

He gives Loki his best million-dollar-smile. “Okay, Reindeer Games, give it a try. I guess there’s room for negotiations after all. Convince me.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. Please be so kind and leave a comment, because I'd love to hear your opinion. 
> 
> It seems my fic went wildly out of control. I planned to write five chapters, but now I guess there are going to be many more. I'm not even _near_ the conlusion, although I have already written the finale.
> 
> Probably _that_ was a mistake.
> 
> So, a few encouraging lines (or kudos) would be highly appreciated. Thank you!


	6. Plan H

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with _Mime's Course_ proves to be more difficult than Tony would have thought possible. So he introduces a _no-bullshitting rule_ , and just hopes that Loki will stick to it.
> 
> Oh, well. At least he gets some very interesting pieces of information, and Loki shows his indulgent side. Time to panic? Tony is not quite sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tinkered with the tags for this chapter and removed _Loki feels_ for a time, because this fic went wildly out of control. I made a draft for five chapters, and now I have reached chapter 6 with at least four more to come. However, there _are_ going to be a lot of feels in the end, and I'm going to reintroduce the tag when I feel it's appropriate. Sorry.

“So, Tony,” Loki says, giving the grey dodecahedron another light tap. There is a low buzzing comming from it that sounds quite pleasant. “Where do we start?”

Tony considers this. “Good question,” he answers in another attempt at stalling. Tony watches as the object known as _Mime’s Curse_ is floating towards Loki again, circles around him and gets a gentle push as soon as it is getting too close. It looks almost as if the thing was courting the god. “To be honest, I have no idea. All this is quite surprising.”

“Well, I have to admit I’m surprised too,” Loki says. “When my brother came home yesterday and told me about your problems, I decided to join him out of mere curiosity. I didn’t expect to find this.”

“And of course you wouldn’t miss an opportunity to get a day off from your cell, I guess.”

“My cell?” For a second Loki looks baffled, but then he gets a grip and grins broadly at Tony. “Ah, yes. My cell. Of course.”

Thor looks the other way.

“I take it then that life in prison agrees with you?”

“Oh, we usually talk about it as the dungeons,” says Loki.

“Sounds a bit like a downstairs affair.”

“You are right, the dungeons are situated under the palace.”

 _The fuck_ , Tony thinks. _So Loki’s family has been living upstairs while he was sitting in a holding cell right under their metaphorical feet? Now that’s messed up, no matter how guilty Loki was. How could they even sleep?_ Tony restrains himself from commenting on this, but it seems that Loki somehow got the gist of his thoughts.

“The Royal Palace is the heart of Asgard, Tony,” Loki tells him. “Both Thor and I grew up knowing full well that there are prisoners in the house. The idea is to show the people of the Golden Realm that the All-father cares even for those who have offended against his rule.”

“Humph,” Tony says, taking this with a grain of salt. “If you say so.” The fleeting expression of weariness on Loki’s face has not escaped him, and he decides to change the subject.

But Tony still feels that he should take his time before getting to the meat of the matter, and thankfully Thor has made up his mind to speak just in time.

As usual, the god of thunder doesn’t opt for beating about the bush.

“Brother, what are you planning to do with this evil device? You cannot leave it here, you know,” Thor booms, and Tony just thinks damn, meat of the matter slammed right in front of me.

Loki gives him a sly smile. “Always the diplomat, Thor, and I’m sure your straightforwardness will make Tony feel most reassured and comfortable.”

“Actually,” Tony says, “I’m not sure if I’m that unhappy with Thor’s approach. You made it sufficiently clear that this thing is dangerous and belongs in a safe place. Unfortunately, I trust neither SHIELD nor you, Loki.”

“Oh, I’d be disappointed if you would.”

“I see,” says Tony. “You know, Lokes, I think we need to set a few rules for our little talk, and one is that I won’t take any bullshit from you. You lie, game’s over. It’s easy.”

“Agreed.”

“What?”

“I said agreed.”

“Just like that?”

“Well, yes,” Loki says with a happy smile that looks far to self-complacent for Tony’s peace of soul. “Naturally this would give me the right to deal with you in the established Aesir manner if I should sense any falsehood on your part.”

Tony doesn’t need to ask what that would entail. The way Thor automatically reaches out for Mjolnir tells him all. “Huh, does Fury know about this particular Asgardian tradition?”

“Not yet, but there may be an opportunity for him to learn it the hard way in the near future.”

“Isn’t Thor supposed to be some kind of ally of SHIELD, like, the Avengers Initiative and stuff?”

“My friend,” Thor says, and this time he looks very sad indeed. “I feel betrayed.”

“We’re talking weregild again,” Tony says in a matter-of-fact voice.

“We’re talking betrayal,” Loki states, and his voice is hard, and unyielding, and sounds much to used to command for Tony’s peace of mind. “My brother gave the weregild in good faith to achieve a balance between Asgard and Midgard.”

“So this is a thing now?”

The brothers nod in affirmation.

“Please don’t tell me you weren’t planning to take Fury and his conspirators to task for this outrage,” says Loki.

“Well, I was planning to talk to him, but I guess the Vibranium has long disappeared in some project or other. And I’m not sure how you are going to arrange the distribution of the weregild to the other persons concerned. How do you want to decide who’s entitled and who’s not? Are we talking about compensating for physical damage, or do you recognise mental injury, too? Both can be devastating, you know. What if someone falls into a deep depression and commits suicide in, let’s say, three years from now on as a result? Would you care for their family?”

“I suggested a foundation,” Thor says. “Like the one named after your mother. I heard you talking about it several times, and thought it was a good idea.”

“A foundation,” Tony repeats, thunderstruck. _Damn, that could actually work. I need to mention this to Pepper. A foundation supporting several projects connected to the so-called Battle of New York, ranging from financial support for orphaned children to trauma and health care. Perhaps there could be a memorial centre too. This kind of thing is known to help communities with coping after traumatic events._

Tony knows that even now, people are still leaving candles, flowers, and toys at the site of the building that took the first blast from the invading Chitauri. He eyes Thor suspiciously. _What has happened to Space Oaf from Planet Dumb?_

And then Tony decides to take a deep breath, focuses on his sass, and pulls himself together before speaking. “You know, I was actively avoiding this sentence my whole life, but I guess I’ve got to say it now: Who are you, and what have you done with Thor?”

Thor gives him the puppy-eye treatment while Loki chuckles. “As a matter of fact, my brother is a very good listener, Tony.”

“I get it, Reindeer Games. So in reality he’s Thor, Agent of Asgard, and has been collecting information on us all the time?” Tony shudders to think on all the occasions Thor sat silently on the couch, apparently distracted by whatever gadget Tony had handed to him at that time. From a video game console to a Stark Industries branded Rubik’s Cube, the god of thunder would accept the object reverently and toy along with it until everybody else had forgotten he’s there at all.

 _And how we talked_ , Tony thinks, _from Fury to Pepper, we_ all _talked, and didn’t pay any heed to the Norse god in the corner because hey, he’s just this dunce. Lord_ , the stuff _Thor must know by now._

Loki shrugs. “We have talked a lot recently, yes. There were a lot of things to discuss. Naturally, my brother would share some things that attracted his attention on Midgard with me. And some rather disturbing observations, too. That's why I think Thor would like to accompany you when you talk to Fury and his superiors from the World Security Council.”

“The Vibranium has to go to you, Anthony,” Thor explains. “I thought you’d prefer a kind of weregild that is useful to you to one of mere monetary value.”

 _Useful_ , Tony thinks. _Useful and sold at $10,000 per gram_. He clears his throat. “You’re right. I want the stuff. And I want to kick Fury’s ass for this. He was probably just following the orders of god-knows-who, but I guess we are going to find out.”

“Good,” Loki says. “And as a sign of goodwill, I shall ask my brother _most kindly_ and _respectfully_ not to mjolnir Director Fury and the other conspirators on sight. Unless you want him to, Tony.”

“Agreed,” Thor tells his brother solemnly, and Tony nods.

“Now I think I need to make a request myself. I’m sure you have a lot of questions, and I’ll try and answer them _as far as I’m allowed to_. Please do not ask me anything concerning recent Aesir domestic politics, or the current state of my sentence. Or my stay in the dungeons.”

“I’m disappointed,” says Tony. ”I was so looking forward to be entertained with anecdotes about the time you dropped the soap.”

Loki frowns, obviously not getting the reference. But judging from the way Thor is looking at him, Tony feels that it might be better that way. _I need to check his browsing history and email account_ , he decides. The engineer has some rather marked autocratic tendencies and those, combined with a constant feeling of imminence and a deeply ingrained loss of trust ever since he learned about Obadiah Stane’s betrayal, make him feel that it is his birthright to have access to any computer working around him. To be in control, and generally know what is going on. Tony furrows his brow. _Where has Thor even picked up the phrase? I’m sure it can’t be from Jane Foster_ , he thinks. _Who else is he talking to outside of SHIELD?_

“Um,” Loki clears his throat. “Sorry to interrupt your musings again. But could we return to business?”

Tony notices that the god is cradling _Mime’s Course_ in his hands now. It is surrounded by the same faint greenish mist Tony had seen before. Apparently the object’s perpetual attempts at touching Loki had become annoying, and he has decided to give in.

“Is that a contented humming I’m hearing?” Tony asks.

“Oh, yes,” says Loki. “It’s drawn to me by my magic.”

Tony sighs. “Yeah, thought so. That, and your pretty green eyes. But what are we going to do with this thing?”

“My plan is to build a replica, and leave it on Midgard for SHIELD to worry about. This one,” Loki lifts his hands, “goes straight to Asgard where it will be locked away safely in our weapons vault.”

“Only the All-father could remove it from there once the Odinforce has accepted it,” adds Thor. Loki snorts when he hears the word _Odinforce_.

“And that place is absolutely safe?”

“It’s where we keep our most powerful weapons, artefacts and war relics, my friend.”

“Not precisely an answer to my question, Thor. As far as I know, you guys could be perfectly fine with storing your arms in Loki’s bath. You probably do that anyway.”

Loki sneers. “I’m deeply touched by your concern for the state of my bathroom, Tony. And yes, the weapon’s vault is safe. You know what? I can even promise that _Mime’s Course_ will not be used again except for defensive purposes.”

“Would handing it over to some trustworthy dwarfs be an option? I guess they would know how to deal with something like this correctly,” suggests Tony.

“Oh, yes, they would,” Loki says. “Probably by selling it off as quickly as possible to the highest bidder because that’s what dwarfs do. _Mime’s Course_ was not designed to affect their kind, and that’s all the good citizens of Nidavellir care about.”

“In that case, I would feel much better if you’d just dismantle the thing, like, blasting it into smithereens, or smelting it down,” the engineer tells him after considering what he has just heard.

And now Loki gives Tony the most indulgent and fake smile he has ever seen. “Well, that would have been difficult at all times,” the god says with a sorrowful frown. “And next to impossible now that it has just been completely recharged. Why, I could even end up with accidentally blowing your whole country up.”

“Are you telling me this thing kind of _feeds_ on you?”

“On my magic energy, yes. Did you not notice how it kept trying to come near me? Although I admit that _my pretty green eyes_ might have had something to do do with it, too.”

“You know, Loki, perhaps you should try to take out a patent for this smug and self-contented look of yours. There's a lot of money to be made with an asset like that. And what happened to the _no-bullshitting rule_?”

“Oh, every child on Asgard would have known what is going on. Please accept my apologies. If I had realised how much magic lore has faded into oblivion since the Aesir stopped visiting Midgard, I would have informed you.”

Tony crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Congratulation, then. _Mischief managed_. Do you realise we’re back to trust issues now?”

“We have trust issues?” Loki asks, sounding seriously distressed.

“I’m not even going _to comment_ on this, Rudolph,” Tony says. “But I’d like you to know that I have a strong feeling you’re already planning to use it on some poor sod. I’d like to know on whom, and why. Because I don’t think I’m capable of supporting this kind of shit.”

“How wonderful. At least you’ve decided to show me some of this remarkable intelligence Thor is fanboying over so much.”

_Fanboying? Like, seriously?_

Not for the first time, Tony wonders how this enigmatic translation device called Allspeak actually works. “Okay,” he says. “Thor: Thank you. Remind me to autograph Mjolnir later today. It’ll turn her into a valuable collector’s item. Loki: Stop being vaguely ominous and wilfully mysterious. It’s only an annoying habit. Drop it, and tell me, in as few words as possible, just what the fuck is going on. And lose the pout, will you?”

“Very well,” says Loki. “If you tell me how likely you think it is that someone is able to conscript an army from apparently out of nowhere within a year without having some help at some point.”

“Um, not at all?”

“Precisely. The army wasn’t mine. I was send here to collect the Tesseract for someone who is known to be very persistent. And he didn’t ask me kindly to do it.”

The engineer stares at him in disbelieve. “Who is it?”

“Don’t,” Thor mutters. “Don’t say his name, brother. We don’t know if the spiritual link has really been broken by now.”

“My ward is strong enough, even for Thanos,” Loki asserts him, but he looks worried despite his confident words and voice.

The god of thunder smiles at him. “Well, in that case: Bugger Thanos, then.”

“Indeed,” Loki smiles back briefly at his brother before getting serious again. “Unfortunately, his byname is The Mad Titan, and it is well earned. Tony, what you have seen in New York was only a tiny fraction of the forces Thanos has at his disposal. I was to lead the avant garde, and my main task was to find the cube.”

“And all this talk about being king and grabbing a throne? What was that about?”

“I think _king_ was just an euphemism for _governor until further notice_. It wouldn’t have lasted long, I guess.”

Leaning back on his chair, Tony looks from Loki to Thor and back again. “So you’re basically telling me that a) the whole thing wasn’t your idea, b) you weren’t too happy about it either, and c) you were kind of being mind controlled yourself at that time?”

Both brothers confirm this.

“Now it makes sense,” Tony says. “’ _The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that. What have I to fear?_ ’ I’ve been looking through the footage from that day on my security cams dozens of times, and every single time I wondered what you were trying to tell me.”

Loki shrugs. “To Thanos, I am just as disposable as any other lifeform on Midgard or on any other realm. All he needed was my talent for finding and handling magic artefacts at that point. In return for my services, he offered me a delusion of power.”

“I find this a tad difficult to swallow, Reindeer Games,” Tony confesses after a couple of moments of sheer, unadulterated consternation. “But if this was true, it would change everything.”

“Would you take _my_ word for it?” Thor asks. The god leans forward and puts a hand on Tony’s arm in a gesture of reassurance. “I know my brother well, and I’ve been _bullshitted_ , as you like to call it, many times and in many ways over the centuries. I know the difference. This time it’s serious.”

“This is actually not very comforting, you know.” Tony is biting his lower lip, wondering why this is happening to him, and if he even has the right to make this decision. Probably not, but there is no one he trusts within reach. “And you think Thanos is going to send more troops to Earth?”

“Sooner or later, yes,” says Loki. “It may be in a generation or two, or tomorrow already. All I know is that he will come, and when he comes, he will wipe out all life on this realm. Thanos rules over a dead dimension, and he is courting Death. He has nothing but this on his mind.”

“Your story is growing harder to believe with every word you say. Thor, why have you not mentioned this before? Because sorry, but I’m still not buying it.”

“My friend, I promise you to tan my brother’s sorry hide in front of you in case he has been lying again.”

The god of mischief huffs with indignation. “You do not always best me, brother.”

“Remember the hobbyhorse, Thor,” Tony says mildly. “You two are beyond believe, you know. Don’t let them ever tell you you’re not.”

“So it’s a deal?” Loki asks, and despite the haughty expression on his face there is just this tiny hint of pleading in his voice.

“Not yet. If I understood you correctly, you are thinking on using _Mime‘s Curse_ on Thanos as a possible solution to our joint problem?”

“It’s a valid Plan B, Anthony,” Thor says with a touch of pride.

“More like Plan H by now,” Loki adds.

“So bad, huh?” Tony hesitates a little. And then he starts to feel reckless and decides to milk the situation for his own purposes as much as possible. “You’re asking me to make quite a decision here, you know. And on behalf of the whole human race, too.”

The brothers exchange a quick, knowing glance. Oh dear, Tony thinks. And I had so hoped to sound thoroughly unsuspicious.

“What is it you want, my friend?” Thor asks.

Loki tuts. “Please don’t be so blunt, brother. Let’s have some fun and _haggle_.”

“Yeah, no. No haggling. Not at all. Knowing Loki, this would only get me stuck somewhere between Earth and Asgard, middle-of-nowhere style. Nope.”

“You want to go to Asgard, Tony? Why?” Loki is looking at the engineer with undisguised curiosity now.

“Because I want to see this _safe place_ you promised me.”

“Ah. And not out of nosiness at all.”

“You only say that because you know me so well, Rudolph.” But Tony can see an amused sparkle in Loki’s eyes. “Also, I need to learn more about this mad dude you were talking about. Those few morsels you threw me are barely enough.”

“Granted,” Loki says, much to Tony’s surprise.

“What? Just like that again?” Tony thinks he can’t trust his ears any longer. “Dr Foster said Odin was less than happy with her surprise visit in your fairytale kingdom.”

“Entirely different circumstances, I’m afraid.”

“Yeah?”

“My friend, we are burdening you with a responsibility that shouldn’t rest on the shoulders of one man alone,” says Thor. “Therefore my brother is right to invite you to see for yourself that he is keeping his word.”

If Thor had thought that Tony wouldn’t notice the cunning expression on his face, he was mistaken. The engineer felt the god was probably hoping that if Loki managed to import one _puny mortal_ into Asgard, it would be a piece of cake to smuggle Dr Foster in along with him. He’s probably wrong, Tony thinks, but that’s not my business at all. Better not meddle with their family problems. Now he has only one piece of information he wishes to share left. Because Tony’s got this unique ego, and therefore would not like the brothers to think they got away with this without him noticing.

“And as a _bonus_ , I’m not going to ask at all why Loki, the notorious convict who is supposed to be rotting in a bloody cell right now, is in a position to make such major decisions,” Tony tells the god of thunder amiably. Thor has the decency to look embarrassed, while Loki is suddenly giving extra cuddles to _Mime’s Course_. “Well, I’m not going to look the gift horse in the mouth, so please don’t consider this complaining. We have a deal, albeit grudgingly, because I see no other solution to the dilemma. Do me a favour? Please give me a warning the next time you're planning to jump something like this on me so I can do some thinking _beforehand_.”

The relieve on the gods’ faces is obvious.

“That’s settled, then,” Loki says.

“Settled,” Thor echoes his brother, and Tony sincerely hopes that he hasn’t just made another one of these terrible life decisions people love to comment upon so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts...
> 
> -There really are custom-made branded Rubik's cubes. You can order them at https://eu.rubiks.com/info/promotional-cubes-for-business
> 
> -I found the price for Vibranium at http://nerdist.com/unnecessary-information-a-vibranium-apple-watch-would-cost-600000/ Their information is based on _Fantastic Four #607_.
> 
> And now I hope I won't have to mention the blasted stuff again in this fic. It actually started as some kind of in-joke, and then it became a thing. And Director Fury is back to being his old, devious self. Sorry, Nick.
> 
> Would you like to leave a comment or kudos? You'd make me very happy. Thank you for reading my story! I really hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> **Next stop: Asgard.**
> 
> Please prepare yourself for a complete change of perspective.


End file.
